Corporate Speak Explained

• CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:  We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
• COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
• DUTIES WILL VARY:  Anyone in the office can boss you around.
• GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:  Management communicates, and you figure out what they want and do.
• I AM ADAPTABLE:  I’ve changed jobs a lot.
• I AM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.
• I AM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:  I carry a Day-Timer.
• I AM HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
• I AM PERSONABLE:  I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co- workers.
• I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:  I blame others for my mistakes.
• JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:  We have no time to train you.
• MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:  You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
• MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:  We have no quality control.
• MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:  I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.
• PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:  You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
• REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:  You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
• SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:  Some time each night and some time each weekend.