Office Behavior Strategies

• "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven’t lost your shoes since you did this.
• Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald’s Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
• Come to work in your pajamas.
• Compose all your e-mail in the form of a Haiku.
• Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
• Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
• dont use any punctuation either
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
• Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
• Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That’s a good point, Sparky." "No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
• Organize a carpool. Then go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
• Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
• Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
• Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
• Reply to everything someone says with "that’s what YOU think."
• Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.
• Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc… in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none… Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you’ve got to be faster than that."
• Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom."
• Send out flyers to your entire department/division announcing a required staff development program. When everyone arrives, show them slides from your vacation.
• Staple papers in the middle of the page.
• Take a picture of your boss and have it framed. Display it in a prominent location on your desk.
• type only in lowercase.
• When answering your phone, talk in a fake British accent.
• When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing," and leave.
• While sitting in your cube, yodel.